K. Z. Richards

Despite being on social media almost every day, my social media presence is negligible, the smallest step above nonexistent I can manage. A lot of it has to do with anxiety. The emptier my reels, stories (okay, I still don’t actually know what a ‘story’ is) and profiles are, the better I sleep at night. Occasionally, like once or twice a year, I will post a few pictures, but even that feels uncomfortable. Why would anyone besides me want to see pictures I took of my kids before their first day of school? Okay, yes, I enjoy looking at everyone else’s back-to-school pictures, but that doesn’t mean they want to see mine! The mutual friend of that one co-worker from that one job fifteen years ago doesn’t really care that I got family pictures taken. (Oh, but their latest family pictures with their little girl in the field with the flowers and that dress … so darn cute!)

It’s a fear I’ve always had, although I’ve tried to overcome it. Every attempt to put myself out there, even just a little bit more, has led to the same results: a temporary boost of oxytocin as the likes and comments roll in, followed by a growing fear that the post will have negative consequences, remedied by an eventual decision to delete everything. And then, peace. In the last fifteen years, I’ve blank-slated my Facebook page more times than I can remember. My entire instagram history can be viewed on one screen. Even my anonymous Reddit account has been a victim of my “dirty deleting.”

The problem with being a “lurker” rather than a full participant, as a writer, is that you can’t make a career out of hiding in the shadows, reading others’ work, and keeping your stories (the real kind) buried out of fear of rejection. There must come a time when you embrace who you are and what you’ve created rather than worry about what others will think.

There have been times I’ve let fear hold me back. What if there are–gasp–typos? What if people–gasp–don’t like it? What if someone has something negative to say about it? Well, golly-freakin’-gasp. Get over it.

Part of the “rite” of writing is allowing your work to be read, and that is why I’ve created this space. It’s a place to connect, a place to grow, a place to be vulnerable.

And it’s past due time that this introvert learned to put herself out there. I’ll be seeing you. Soon.